Monday, October 07, 2013

The Stoned Nailmaker’s
“Jump the Shark Page” Post Part IV 
Cast of Full House

31,       Full House.  Michelle has played by the Olson Twins was a crime against humanity for which the parents deserve to be tied up and forced to watch episodes until their brains leak out  through their ears.  After Michele was no longer so “cute” (another word for vomitus and vile) they introduced “cute” twins to further torture the audience of this “entertainment”.  People involved in Full House went on to do America’s Funniest Home Videos, and other abominations.  This show didn’t just jump the shark from day one it was a maggot ridden, fungi infested Hollywood bowel movement product from the moment it was conceived of.

Scene from Moonlighting

32,       Moonlighting. When the people who made the show, along with Bruce Willis decided to put Magee in her “place”. Which was the same time they decided to have our leads do “it”. The show was one of a LOOOOOOOOONNNNGGGG list of shows in which there has to be “sexual tension” between the leads which is eventually “resolved” by them having sex. A stunning indication that Hollywood writers have a very hard time thinking about a man and woman working together without them having sex. The leads doing “it” is generally a jump the shark moment.

Cast of Dynasty

33,       Dynasty.  The Moldova massacre.  Probably the most silly, un-intentionally hilarious scene of mass murder and mayhem in TV history.  In which no one gets their hair mussed, clothes and makeup remain perfect and bodies full of bullets fall so has to cover all holes tastefully and there is no blood to be seen. Of course no one groans or writhes in agony but for the sake of appearances stay unmoving and looking beautiful sprawled all over the church floor.  The sheer unadulterated stupidity of this scene has to be seen to be truly appreciated in all its jaw dropping idiocy. And of course when the new season of Dynasty started, except for two dead, everyone else was absolutely in the best of health!!  Dynasty at that moment changed from soap opera to a joke, not even Joan Collins could save it.

Cast of Dallas

34,       Dallas. An entire season of the show was turned into Pamela’s dream.  The people who did the show decided that their viewers were idiots who could be insulted with impunity with such a lame gimmick.  A lot of viewers stopped watching the show proving that God may indeed exist.  Dallas went downhill from there into oblivion.

Cast of The Andy Griffith Show

35,       The Andy Griffith Show.  It could easily be said that any show that had the saccharine horror of Ron Howard’s Opie jumped the shark from day one.  Or that a show that contained such urban contempt for “rural” life i.e., another 60’s show making fun of the alleged “stupidity” and “ignorance” of those poor blighted people who weren’t fortunate enough to live in New York or Los Angeles was crap from day one.  This however was not the case, because smart writing and good acting can save just about anything.  In this case the show jumped the shark when Jim Neighbours (Gomer Pyle) left the show.

Cast of Who's the Boss?

36,       Who’s the Boss? Another when our leads did it!  I note that TV executives seem to have a hard time having Women being bosses of men without them doing it with their employees. This  tells us a lot about TV executives and their Mary Sue fantasies of making it with “hot” women.

Cast of Everybody Loves Raymond

37,       Everybody Loves Raymond.  Not me!  A show created it seems, when a Hollywood executive suffering from a coke overdose vomited all over some paper.  The show features probably the vilest, most contemptible parents in TV history.  The utter vileness of Raymond’s parents has to be seen and heard to be appreciated in all of their inquisitorial glory.  Why anyone would want anything to do with them is left utterly unexplained.  The moment Raymond’s parents opened their mouths was the moment this show jumped the shark into the toilet.

Cast of Home Improvement

38,       Home Improvement.  A show that sanctified anti-intellectualism, by excusing, glorifying central character Tim’s foolishness and ignorance and by repeatedly indicating that knowledge, and wisdom were not quite “right”.  Smart writing, along with characters Al, and Jill saved this show for quite some time. The next door neighbour whose face we never fully see was a gag that got dead tired real fast. The jump the shark moment was when Bob Vila appeared to compete with Tim one more time.  (Also that Episode Manhattan Transfer appeared in for no sensible reason).

Cast of Three's Company

39,       Three’s Company.  Another TV show that in itself defines bad TV.  This show was a rip off of the far-far better “jiggle” British fare Man about the House.  The sleazy, leering, slimyness of this show has to be seen to be believed.  In this show our “hero” Jack spends his time trying to get “laid”, and revolting, cowardly innuendo flourishes as a substitute for creativity.  The Ropers are amazingly proof the jokes about impotence don’t stand up.  And this show brought us Suzanne Summers. Enough said.

Cast of Star Trek

40,       Star Trek (original series).  Really good for most of its run with clever scripts, that treated the audience like they had brains.  This show has become the ultimate TV cult show with a fanatical following of Trekkers, (Don’t ever use the term Trekkies to a Trekker).  However even the original series had its jump the shark moment.  In the episode “Spocks Brain”, when the gorgeous but mindless “babe” who stole Spock’s brain says “Brain and Brain! What is Brain!”.  What were they thinking about!!

Pierre Cloutier

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