The Stoned Nailmaker’s

“Jump the Shark Page” Post Part IV 

 

Cast of Full House

31,       Full House.  Michelle has played by the Olson Twins was a crime against humanity for which the parents deserve to be tied up and forced to watch episodes until their brains leak out  through their ears.  After Michele was no longer so “cute” (another word for vomitus and vile) they introduced “cute” twins to further torture the audience of this “entertainment”.  People involved in Full House went on to do America’s Funniest Home Videos, and other abominations.  This show didn’t just jump the shark from day one it was a maggot ridden, fungi infested Hollywood bowel movement product from the moment it was conceived of.

The Stoned Nailmaker’s
“Jump the Shark" Page Post Part III

In two previous postings1 I listed 10 TV shows in each and my opinion of when they “jumped the shark”. Here are ten more.

The Stoned Nailmaker’s
“Jump the Shark Page” Post Part II

In a previous posting I listed 10 TV shows and my opinion of when they “jumped the shark”. Here are 10 more.

11, Absolutely Fabulous. The Fourth Season. After using the concept of just 3 seasons of 6 episodes each and working together a satisfactory, even brilliant, story arch about our two drug-ridden, drunken pieces of garbage, the creators decide to go to the cash cow two more times. Sorry it didn’t work from the first “Darling”. The fact is the antics of two middle aged narcissistic alcoholic potheads can get very tedious. My favorite character was the very practical Saffron who could barely tolerate her hideous mother Edina.

Scene from Absolutely Fabulous

12, The Honeymooners. A show which had the good sense not to go on forever and thus did not “jump the shark”. A truly amazing piece of TV history. Proof that mass entertainment doesn’t have to be stupid. Endlessly ripped off by far less creative people terrified of new ideas and thus attracted to necrophilia. The most common rip-off is the wacky next door neighbour Ed Norton; see Kramer. (Like Jerry Seinfeld and TV executives). I should mention that I adore this show even though I dislike Jackie Gleason quite intensely.

Scene From The Honeymooners

13, I Love Lucy. A show that stayed on a generally high note for its entire run. Watching episodes of I Love Lucy and then Leave it to Beaver is shocking. It is hard to believe that they were made at the same time! However a decline started with Lucy and Rickie going to California. From then on the show increasingly depended on guests and gimmicks and started to lose its edge. For example virtually the entire Ricardo’s visit Europe series was one very long exercise in self indulgence.

Cast of I Love Lucy

14, Married with Children. The only thing that keeps this show from being a “in the Toilet from day one show” is that it was deliberately and relentlessly horrid and totally without pretentiousness. The regulars worked real hard to be horrible and they were! So Married with Children was very much a guilty pleasure. The show started downhill when they introduced Seven a cute eight year old for part of one season. The introduction of “family values” fatally damaged the hideous ambiance of the show. The show had the distinction of being considered through most of its runs one of the most tasteless, crude pieces of trash on TV, but at least it was not pretentious, unlike Seinfeld.

Cast of Married With Children

15, Bonanza. One of the “essential” TV westerns, complete with hackneyed plots in an ersatz west. It definitely had a certain charm. Show started to decline when Parnell Roberts as the eldest son, (who had an attitude problem) left leaving the field to the fat guy and the goody-good younger son. I don’t know about you but Michael Landon especially when he was later incarnated into the prefect father, Little House on the Prairie, and then an angel in Highway to Heaven was very annoying. Also the repeated use of the same shots of them riding around got stale fast.

Cast of Bonanza

16, My Mother the Car. Another Hollywood abortion. Who thought this idea would work? Only TV executives who can seem to be amazingly clueless. Moment it went downhill, when we realize that our “hero’s” mother was reincarnated in a car. (Idea brought to us by cowardly 60’s TV executives). Yes it is hard to believe that this show was for real, and lasted for ONE full season of 30 episodes before it was killed by lethal injection. The “star” of the show took well over a decade to have his carrier recover from this fiasco. (He stared as the lead in Coach)

Scene from My Mother the Car

17, Get Smart. A totally in your face farce on spying. With the wonderful Don Adams and the underrated Barbara Feldon as the wondrous 99. You have to have a high tolerance for blunt slapstick and really bad puns to like this one. Decline began when Max and 99 decide to get married. The tension between the intelligent 99 and the really stupid Max (Agent 86) was lost forever. They also had twins. There were attempts latter on to create sequels to the show. The less said the better about those “efforts”.

Scene from Get Smart

18, The John Larroquette Show. After a really great first season which played up the story of a man who had wreaked his and other peoples lives through his alcoholism trying to get back up and out of the pit he dug for himself. Then the network decides to “improve” the show by giving John a new apartment and to really downplay the “downer” aspects of the show. The result was another sitcom full of “characters” with no depth. Under the shows “new” “improved” direction the main characters drinking problems and literary interests largely disappeared from the plots of the episodes making the show just another generic sitcom. The show survived the mutilation for a couple of years but was unwatchable.

Cast of John Larroquette Show

19, Keeping up Appearances. A show with one of the most horrid TV characters ever created, the infamous Hyacinth Bucket. A snob, social climber to the nth degree. The show was very funny and creative but decline it did. I never quite figured how her and her husband could have had a son? How could anyone or anything have sex with Ms. Bouquet? Yuck at the thought!! The show did not “jump the shark” at any one moment but more or less did so gradually as the audience wonders why no one has told that “bitch” off or at least shot her to death. (A Judge would have considered it a mercy killing). My favorite character was Ms. Bouquet’s brother in law Onslow, who would lie in bed and read books about such things as quantum mechanics. Onslow also quite rightly realized what a curse Hyacinth is.

Scene from Keeping Up Appearances

20, The Dukes of Hazzard. A definite Hollywood blackhead filled with infested rotting pus. How this made it on the air let alone lasted 6 years is inexplicable and a possible proof that TV executives are indeed in league with Satan. Another show that started in the tank and stayed there only to became infested with fungi. Turning point came when the two leads were temporarily replaced revealing that the best actor in the series was indeed the car the General Lee. The show consisted of the Dukes getting in their car being chased, getting out of their car, getting back in their car, being chased, and repeat and repeat. The show also was “notable” for showing both front and back cleavage, (Daisy Duke). The show spawned (Yep that’s the word), a number of even more horrid spin-offs that are now hopefully forgotten.

Cast of The Dukes of Hazzard
Pierre Cloutier

The Stoned Nailmaker's
“Jump the shark” Post, Part One

The following is my list of the moments at which TV shows began that slide to sucksville. The opinions are entirely my own of course.

Happy Days

This show was more accurately described by MAD Magazine as Crappy Days gave us the phrase “jump the shark”, referring to that horrid, brain-cell killing episode when the “Fonz” jumps over a shark while driving a motorcycle. I disagree. The moment came when after they raped, mutilated and murdered an idea of a series taking place in the fifties, they went further and decided to make the “Fonz” really “cool” thus elevating awesome stupidity and ignorance into “cool”. Defining Episode the “Fonz” doing Hamlet. (The Bard would have killed himself if he Had not already been dead.)

Cast of Happy Days

The Beverly Hillbillies

This show is an example of TV thinking during the sixties. Basically a bunch of “city slickers” decide to make fun of country people by portraying them has stupid and ignorant. An example of urban contempt for country life. The show started in the toilet and went down from there. When the show went off the air Time magazine said it was “the best indication of an improvement in network taste”. Defining moment when Granny thought that Elle-Mae was marrying a real “frog” and would have little “tadpoles”.

Cast of The BeverlyHillbillies

Cheers.

Diana leaving. Afterwards it became obvious what a bunch of worthless, contemptible losers the regulars were. The sort of people you would see bleeding to death on the road and leave to die without a moment’s hesitation. The Diana character was irritating and annoying but not contemptible; when she left the total uselessness of the other regulars became all too apparent. Cheers started the trend on American sitcoms of having vile, worthless regulars the viewer could feel superior too and contemptuous of.

Scene from Cheers

The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis

The adventures of the superficial, worthless Dobie where both funny and very cynical for its time. Dobie’s parents who have no use for their son (who would), were priceless. This show was way ahead of its time. It went downhill the day it was canceled and no new shows could be made.

Scene from The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis

Frasier

Staring the worthless, self-important Dr. Frasier Crane and his bowel movement of a brother Niles and their rotting dog doo of a father and don’t get me started on the dog, (a living argument for abusing animals). This show continued the Cheers syndrome of having vile, contemptible regulars. This vastly overrated show was stuck in the sewer from day one only the character of Lilith, Frasier’s ex-wife, to occasionally raise it above pus level. This show went down hill from the beginning. Thankfully its over. Defining moment Frasier lets his father move in with that rancid dog. Why?

Cast of Frasier

Bewitched

A totally absurd concept that cried out to be utterly terrible but thanks to smart writing and good acting, (especially by Elizabeth Montgomery has Samantha) worked. This show started the long slow agonizing decline when it replace Darrin one with Darrin two. (Killing him off would have been a better idea but hey this was the sixties can’t have that on TV can we?).

Cast of Bewitched

Leave it to Beaver

A show which is perfectly impossible to understand why anyone not in need of sleep would find it funny or watch it unless in need of having to induce a coma. A show whose smarmy endorsement of mindlessness was positively creepy. Another one in decline from the toilet from day one. Any episode with Dad giving Beaver a moral lesson at the end will induce vomiting.

Cast of Leave it to Beaver

The Adams Family. (sixties version)

An Hollywood abortion. Adams, who created the cartoons which Hollywood mutilated and abused, apparently hated the show. The vicious, sly humour of the cartoons is emasculated and made harmless and wholesome. A total travesty. Another one that started in the tank and stayed there. The episode with the Adams refusing to spank their children is a defining moment for a family that poisons, tortures, and blowups each other.

Cast of The Adams Family

Roseanne

Here we have two “jump the sharks”, hard as it is to believe. The episode where Joan Collins showed up and Roseanne asked her why she was “such a bitch?” At this moment the show moved from its working class “realism” to being rather nauseatingly self referential with lots of guest stars. Hard has it is to believe Roseanne achieved the incredible feat of “jumping the shark” again. When the Connors won 100 million. Enough said. (The Connors appeared on Jerry Springer afterwards which says it all).

Cast of Roseanne

Seinfield

What can one say of this over praised, over hyped “entertainment”, except that it was Married with Children for the self important and pretentious. In fact pretentiousness was this shows defining characteristic. The four main characters carry the Cheers syndrome of having lead characters that are vile and contemptible to the nth degree. The irritation factor created by Jerry’s whining monologues or the nauseating applause when Ed Norton rip-off Kramer enters a room are truly awesome. The incredible display of butt licking when the show went off the air by TV critics would be enough to make anyone doubt the existence of God. Not even Trekkers at their worst were so sycophantic. The spectacle was at once stunning and disheartening. The moment this horror started to go downhill was the truly amazing episode where George’s fiancee dies and the regulars celebrate her death, thus revealing what pieces of vomit they are and that the show was basically Married with Children for pretentious snobs.

Cast of Seinfeld

Pierre Cloutier