Tuesday, February 09, 2010

Slant Sayings

Moose greets Cat? Or is it Cat greets Moose?

Here are just a few of my favorite twisted sayings.

Whats mine is mine and whats everyone else's is mine also.

Do unto others before they do unto you.1

Never put off until tomorrow what you can put off until next week.2

May the Lord have mercy on you because I will not!.3

The greatest thing since sliced bread.4

A rolling stone goes nowhere fast.

Sex without love is an empty experience but as empty experiences go it is one of the best!5

Murphy said “Anything that can go wrong will go wrong”. Murphy was an optimist!6

Canada could have had American technology, British government and French culture, instead Canada got British technology, French government and American Culture.7

Always tell the truth unless a lie is more convenient.

The only Christian died on the Cross.8

Putting others ahead of yourself is a sure way to get ahead.

Other people’s deaths are always worth while if you personally benefit.

With royalty lay on flattery with a trowel.9

To everything there is a season and that includes getting herpes.

Always remember that a man will sooner forgive the murder of his father and / or mother than the theft of his property.10

Government – Hands off my Medicare!!11

God save the Queen she ain’t no human being.12

There is no there there!13

Oh what a tangled web we weave when first we practice macrame.

I used to miss him but my aim is improving.14

Before you blow kneel first.

I saw, I conquered, I came!

Blessed are the cheese makers.15

I may not be Mr. Right but I am Mr. Right now!

You can’t escape death, taxes and running out of toilet paper.

Never let your moral sense prevent you from doing what is right.16

Those are just some of my favourite slant sayings. Some are my own, or at least I think they are others are from things I’ve read and heard.

1. No idea where I got that one from although it definitely is not something I thought up.

2. IBID.

3. IBID.

4. My own perverse variation of “The greatest invention since white bread”.

5. Woody Allen of course.

6. A known variation of Murphy’s Law.

7. A common Canadian joke.

8. From the German philosopher Nietzsche.

9. From the British politician Disraeli.

10. From the Philosopher Machiavelli.

11. From a Teabaggers rally.

12. From the Sex Pistols song.

13. Attributed to the American Writer Gertrude Stein.

14. Title of a self-help book.

15. From the Film The Life of Brian.

16. From Isaac Asimov's Foundation Trilogy.

Pierre Cloutier

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