Wednesday, October 07, 2009

Bad Songs

Tiny Tim

In pursuit of one of my favorite hobby horses. The reign of the horrible here is my list of song atrocities, in no particular order.

1, Tip Toe through the Tulips, Tiny Tim version. Tiny Tim should have tip toed over a cliff rather than inflict this song on us,and his voice is falsetto annoying!

2, Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds. The William Shatner version. Possibly the WORST recording of a song ever. Has added atrocity factor from the fact the song is a CLASSIC and it takes major effort to render it bad to this truly unbelievable degree.

3, Muskrat Love. Sung by 70’s effluent The Captain and Tennile. About two muskrats making out. UGH!

4, Timothy. Bleated by The Buoys. All you need to know about the song are these lyrics:

Timothy, Timothy, Joe was looking at you
Timothy, Timothy, God what did we do?

I must have blacked out just around then
'Cause the very next thing that I could see
Was the light of the day again
My stomach was full as it could be
And nobody ever got around
To finding Timothy.1

5, You Light up my Life. Sung by Debbie Boone. I descend into the blackest pit of darkness upon hearing this treacly mess.

6, That's Amoure. "When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie. That's Amore". Dean Martin how could you sing something so DUMB!

7, I scream, You scream, We all Scream for Ice Cream. I scream when I hear this song. In pain and it doesn’t matter who sings it.

8, Seasons in the Sun. By Canada’s own Terry Jacks. A wonderfully uplifting song about suicide. cloying and whiny in mega doses.

9, Dancing Queen. Vomited by ABBA. This song is a perfect example of Euro-muzak; it is mindless, banal and utterly trite, along with being saccharine. When the horror, sorry musical, Momma Mia came out I considered standing in front of a theatre showing the flick with my old ABBA sucks t-shirt, because they did and still do.

10, Saturday Night. In any list of bad songs something by the abomination known has the Bay City Rollers should be mentioned.

11, MacArthur's Park. “Sung” by actor Richard Harris. Well I must confess I like the music, though it is rather over blown. The lyrics however put it into a whole new league of badness. "Someone left the cake out in the rain, I don't think that I can fake it and it took so long to bake it and I'll never have that recipe again! Oh No!". Why hasn't anyone rewritten the lyrics! Of course the Donna Summer version adds a whole new element of horror, (the Disco factor), which adds a thick patina of grotesqueness to the song.

What would other people like to put into a list of bad tunes?

Single Cover Showing Richard Harris and Jim Webb

1. Lyrics Download, Here

Pierre Cloutier

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