The Oscars will soon once again darken our television screen with c. four hours of mega boredom. It will be only a few hours but it will seem like an eternity spent watching white paint dry on a wall.
The Oscars are a big cultural phenomena but as an award show picking my nose and eating the dried up snot found there is easily much less boring and vastly more intellectually stimulating.
Watching those deathly dull musical numbers and another host bore for an Everest of eternity is indeed a circle in Dante's hell. Only the possibility of another host proving that they can blow it and be stunningly unentertaining gives this bore fest even a moment of interest. Jackass in chief David Letterman's performance as Oscar host has a severely spastic retarded moron was mildly diverting at times. It was nice to see Mr. cream my jeans to overflowing while I gaze upon myself in the mirror prove that he was indeed the biggest douche bag in the universe.
As for a mark artistic excellence. Well Oscar and artistic excellence should provoke uncontrolled, rolling on the floor, tears streaming down your face laughter. Not that Oscar fucks it up all the time. It does get things right from time to time, but lets face it so much of the time Oscar losses it big time!
Let’s see Do you remember How Green was my Valley? Well Oscar thought it was a better film than Citizen Kane!!?? Seriously! How about the fact that Cary Grant never won an Oscar. Or how about the fact that Orson Welles not only never won an Academy Award for Best Director but was only nominated once! Even a film as budget deprived has The Chimes at Midnight, (Orson Welles) is easily vastly superior to virtually anything that Hollywood has given a best picture Oscar to. One could of course add the Oscar deprivation of Directors like Kubrick and Hitchcock to the mix. One could of course mention Kurosawa in this list also.
But then this is an institution that boosted such saccharine crap has Forest Gump, (more accurately it should be called Forest Gunk), and gave Mel Gibson an Academy Award for best Director. No doubt Mel is a much better director than Kurosawa, Hitchcock, Kubrick and Welles. Yeah right!! Can one mention the Academy Awards boosting of On Golden Pond, (better called Geriatric Bowel Movement), or Rocky and similar schlock fests. Or how about deciding that You Light Up My Life deserved the best song award!
Also please can someone explain to me how Jack Nicholson got an Academy Award for acting in Goodwill Hunting. All he does is what he has been doing for a generation be Jack Nicholson doing Jack Nicholson!
Often Oscar tries to make up for its slighting of real film art by giving honorary Oscars to those slighted, (See Cary Grant, Hitchcock, Kurosawa, Welles). Which basically amounts to a "So Sorry! We Fucked up!". Sorry it doesn't make up for it.
So not only are the Oscars boring to the nth degree, it is also very far from rewarding artistic excellence.
Pierre Cloutier
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